The Push Pull Effect~~

When a person physically pushes another person away from him or her, you will most often find that the pushed person will push back automatically without thinking. We humans tend to naturally react to being pushed in this way. We also do this mentally.

The Push Pull Effect is like that. When a child is small he or she may have a parent or other relation who spends lots of time with that child. This person can, deliberately or not, push the child's love and affection away by being evasive or occasionally (or even constantly) telling the child to go away from them. They push you away and you rebound back to them, or they push you away and you find that you are pulled back to them - the Push Pull Effect. (Used with guilt the Push Pull Effect becomes a weapon to abuse relationships and ruin lives.)

Later on when that child has grown up he or she finds that they are attached (with invisible strings) to that person who used the Push Pull Effect on them, they find it hard to break away from that person. They can be emotionally abused by that person because they always come back and the other person can take advantage of that and have them just where they want them to be.

Do you find that you want to ring a person or parent up all the time, yet you can't really figure out why? You may not really feel that you like this person but you just keep going back.

Do you find that you follow a person or parent around when he or she visits you? This person may walk into another room while you are talking to her and you find that you unconsciously follow her and keep talking, yet she don't do the same to you (she doesn't follow you around the house). This is an example of the pull that a person can have on you. You are held by invisible strings. You will also often 'go out of your way' to impress the other person or try to be loved (or liked) by that person. Sometimes you may wonder why you go to great extents to help this person or impress him or her, even if they are not nice to you.

Example: The person doing the pushing for this example will be your mother, but it could be anyone else. We use the mother as an example only. I am certainly not trying to imply that your mother would do such a thing to you.

To keep you 'hooked' to you, your mother may ring if you haven't seen her for a few days, or email, or write to keep in touch constantly, to keep you hooked on the invisible fishing line. During our lives we meet people and we leave people behind as our life changes, but some people seem to always turn up often but we don't really know why we are associating with them.

A victim of the Push Pull Effect would have trouble finishing a relationship and their ex-partner will keep turning up to visit them and they cannot understand why it is that they cannot get rid of the ex-partner or turn the ex-partner away. The ex-partner either enjoys this situation or feels that he or she needs you for some reason and they don't want to be totally separate from you.

You will need to break the invisible line that keeps pulling you back to that person, we must all be able to go through life having the friends and people we like with us because we like them honestly, not because we are subconsciously forced to like them. We must make a serious strong stand for our own good and for the good of our future.

If a child is pushed away by its mother, as the child grows up the mother will continue this infective Push Pull Effect treatment on the child into the child's adulthood. The mother will not stop doing this until the child finds a way to stop being treated like this and that is normally when the child has grown up. I fear that in most cases the Push Pull Effect goes on for a persons complete lifetime. This problem can be hard to detect sometimes (although other peoples can see it) and when it is detected it is hard for the victim to believe that he or she has been "used" in this way by somebody that he or she loves.

A child wants to be loved by its parents. If a parent physically or mentally abuses a child then that child can feel a desperate want to look good in that parents eyes so the child goes to great extents to please the parent. The parent can say bad things to the child and the child will mentally talk to himself saying that "she is only joking" and "she really loves me" while all the while the child knows deep down inside that he is being abused. But this child will keep the Push-Pull action going because it keeps a connection between the child and parent, to this child any connection is worth having even if the connection is constantly painful and embarrassing. The child may even feel lost without the parent in their life.

I remember a lady in her thirties who would let her mother verbally abuse her at every opportunity that her mother got. Her mother was bossy, hardly ever said thank you or please and used bad language when she demanded something was to be done by her daughter. The mother wasn't like this 100 % of the time but she clearly had no trouble treating her child this way when she wanted to. This mother would also verbally abuse her other children and her grandchildren. I asked the daughter "Why do you let your mother talk to you the way that she does, and also speak to your children like that?" She said that "It was just the way that her mother was" and she seemed to accept the way that she was treated because it was the best that she was ever going to get out of her mother. I then asked why she visited her mother if she was so rough on her and her children and she said "I love my mother and I know that my mother loves me even though she treats me the way that she does." You can see that this is a case of a parent abusing a child and the child willingly interacting with that parent and allowing the abuse to continue while also including her children who are going to grow up being abused in this manner.

The more they push us away the more we run back to them. It seems that the hold on us becomes stronger with rejection. If we fear the world it may seem more comfortable to be abused by this person that face the fears. The connection between the abuser and the abused must be cut (and cut clearly) for the abused to start living their own life, or forever they will be a slave to the other person.

The best cure would be a separation from the pusher until you feel confident enough to see the pusher again, more than likely years. Once you recognize the Push Pull Effect in your life then you can consider your options. It is easier to break this type of bad relationship once you know that it exists. I have seen the Push Pull Effect in action on many occasions and it is always sad to note that the person being pulled has no idea what is happening to them.

Courtesy of Mr. James M Sandbrook